The woman you met on line is great fun. She enjoys all the things that you do. You are a perfect match and could be a perfect couple. But, you worry about what seems like her excessive commitment to her grandchildren.
Yes, this can be a problem and its best to sort out the realities of the situation sooner rather than later.
Start by re-reading your own profile. Then, reflect on the kinds of things you do, what you love doing, how you enjoy spending your time. What is it that you do? Where do you love going? Do you feel wonderful after a day of family filled activities? Or, after a family event, do you feel spent and unlikely to want to repeat it very soon?
Kids can be amazing. They are often a mixture of adorable, fun, funny, energetic, and exhilarating. They can also be loud, whinny and rude. When the negatives occur, good parenting/grandparenting is especially necessary to help turn these back into positive times. But, not all of us are programmed to be able to tolerate and more importantly enjoy periods of time with young children.
When starting out looking to connect with a new companion, friend, or lover, it is really important to assess what the compatibility is in this arena. If you don’t figure this out early, you may later feel rejected or abandoned by the other person who chooses to spend time with his or her grandchildren. It will feel competitive and can lead to anger and resentment.
There is a wide variety of how grandparents interact with their grandchildren. Some will visit occasionally, some will have a caretaking role either daily, or several days a week. Learn about how your prospective friend feels about her time with her family and grandchildren.
Note: Yes, most of the time it is the Grandmother who is the grandchildren’s caretaker, sitter, or just loves visiting more. But..this can also be reversed, where it is the grandfather who is in this role.
Bottom line….Know yourself. Be realistic about your expectations of the other person. Discuss this openly with your prospective partner.
Written by Elaine Rodino, Ph.D
Elaine is CEO of Senior Premier Dating LLC and is a licensed psychologist in private practice. She is a fellow of the American Psychological Association (APA), Pennsylvania Psychological Association and the Los Angeles Society of Clinical Psychologists. Dr. Rodino is a past president of the APA Divisions of Independent Practice, The Society for Media Psychology and Technology, Central Pennsylvania Psychological Association, Los Angeles County Psychological Association (LACPA), the Foundation of LACPA, and recipient of the Distinguished Lifetime Contribution to Media Psychology Award, and the Distinguished Service Award to LACPA. She has appeared on T.V. and radio and contributes to magazines, newspapers and online health sites on issues regarding Couples, Relationships, Sandwich Generation, Holiday Blues, and other popular topics.