How Can I feel good about returning to the dating scene?
I’m over 50 and nervous about re-entering the dating scene. How can I feel better about this?
ANSWER FROM COACH JANICE MILLER:
Returning to the Dating Scene
If you are entering the dating scene as an older adult, relying on your experience as a younger adult—Read on!
I would assert, as a younger adult, mostly everyone you dated was attractive and healthy. Futures were blossoming with promise and histories were short. There were little to no past relationships or minor ailments to derail the possibility of a relationship. The possibility of a relationship is still alive, but the roadmap to get there has changed.
That’s where I come in.
As your Coach, we can work together to create a roadmap that works for you. It can be a surprisingly simple process of shifting perspectives and clarifying intentions that puts the fun back in dating.
Think of this as a process and here is a tip to get you started
Write down the 10 things most important to you in a partner. Then select the top 3 things you will not compromise on. Print this out and put it somewhere that will remind you what is most important to you in a relationship. As you start dating, look for those 3 things in the other person. Even if you are not attracted physically if those 3 things are present, consider a second date to learn more.
Remember: A first date is not an audition for marriage. It’s just a tryout, an interview (if you will) for the second date.
Janice Miller, Relationship Coaching CCPC
How can I enjoy a first date?
First dates make me nervous. I would rather do just about anything than go on a first date. How can I enjoy a first date?
ANSWER FROM COACH RISA KELLY:
Approach your first date with optimism and a breezy intention. Keep it light. Release your thoughts of past dating experiences. Consciously reduce your own stress by not being overly concerned with dating games, rules or failure.
Take a few deep and calming breaths and remember to stay centered in your strengths, your wise and loving heart and the present moment.
- Listen deeply on a new level. Listen as much as you speak and ask open-ended questions. (what is one of your favorite travel experiences and why? how would you like to be remembered? What inspires you? What is your favorite movie? French fries or tater tots?)
- Focus on your intention. Your first date is simply an opportunity to learn more about another person and yourself. It is not a job interview, a financial analysis, a sexual audit, a stage or an opportunity to brag.
- Focus and connect with the person in front of you. Maintain eye contact and put your cellphone away. The #1 pet peeve first daters report is that their date spent too much time on their cellphone. Stay present, relaxed and release tension with light humor.
Relax, laugh a little and trust yourself, you’ve got this!!
What is Coaching and What is it NOT
What is Coaching and What is it Not?
ANSWER FROM COACH JANICE MILLER:
Let’s start with What is it NOT
Coaching is not a consultation. It is not telling you what to do and how.
It is not a magic cure, and it’s not therapy in the traditional sense.
What IS coaching?
Coaching is a collaborative relationship (client and coach) that supports personal or professional growth. There are as many coaches as there are styles, but finding the right coach is not challenging. In general, a complimentary session is offered to see if their style works for both you and the coach. You always have a choice before making a commitment.
As for my coaching style— my focus is to work with you to identify your goal or goals, increase awareness and then support actions that will transform where you are to where you want to be.
One of my clients recently told me the coaching experience was much like having the light turned on, making it possible to see what was there all the time and then consider the actions needed to successfully reach their goal.
You already have what it takes to succeed. My role as a coach is to support you in finding your light.
Janice Miller, CCPC